第81部分(第5/7 页)

d　wished　to　acpany　me　to　the　sea…side。　This　St。　John　opposed；　he　said　I　did　not　want　dissipation；　I　wanted　employment；　my　present　life　was　too　purposeless；　I　required　an　aim；　and；　I　suppose；　by　way　of　supplying　deficiencies；　he　prolonged　still　further　my　lessons　in　Hindostanee；　and　greplishment：　and　I；　like　a　fool；　never　thought　of　resisting　him—I　could　not　resist　him。

One　day　I　had　e　to　my　studies　in　lower　spirits　than　usual；　the　ebb　was　occasioned　by　a　poignantly　felt　disappointment。　Hannah　had　told　me　in　the　morning　there　was　a　letter　for　me；　and　when　I　went　down　to　take　it；　almost　certain　that　the　long…looked　for　tidings　were　vouchsafed　me　at　last；　I　found　only　an　unimportant　note　from　Mr。　Briggs　on　business。　The　bitter　check　had　wrung　from　me　some　tears；　and　now；　as　I　sat　poring　over　the　crabbed　characters　and　flourishing　tropes　of　an　Indian　scribe；　my　eyes　filled　again。

St。　John　called　me　to　his　side　to　read；　in　attempting　to　do　this　my　voice　failed　me：　words　were　lost　in　sobs。　He　and　I　were　the　only　occupants　of　the　parlour：　Diana　was　practising　her　music　in　the　drawing…room；　Mary　was　gardening—it　was　a　very　fine　May　day；　clear；　sunny；　and　breezy。　My　panion　expressed　no　surprise　at　this　emotion；　nor　did　he　question　me　as　to　its　cause；　he　only　said—

“We　will　wait　a　few　minutes；　Jane；　till　you　are　more　posed。”　And　while　I　smothered　the　paroxysm　with　all　haste；　he　sat　calm　and　patient；　leaning　on　his　desk；　and　looking　like　a　physician　watching　with　the　eye　of　science　an　expected　and　fully　understood　crisis　in　a　patient’s　malady。　Having　stifled　my　sobs；　wiped　my　eyes；　and　muttered　something　about　not　being　very　well　that　morning；　I　resumed　my　task；　and　succeeded　in　pleting　it。　St。　John　put　away　my　books　and　his；　locked　his　desk；　and　said—