第62部分(第2/7 页)

n；　in　the　style　of　Blanche　Ingram：　tall；　dark；　and　majestic。　Her　family　wished　to　secure　me　because　I　was　of　a　good　race；　and　so　did　she。　They　showed　her　to　me　in　parties；　splendidly　dressed。　I　seldom　saw　her　alone；　and　had　very　little　private　conversation　with　her。　She　flattered　me；　and　lavishly　displayed　for　my　pleasure　her　charms　and　acplishments。　All　the　men　in　her　circle　seemed　to　admire　her　and　envy　me。　I　was　dazzled；　stimulated：　my　senses　were　excited；　and　being　ignorant；　raw；　and　inexperienced；　I　thought　I　loved　her。　There　is　no　folly　so　besotted　that　the　idiotic　rivalries　of　society；　the　prurience；　the　rashness；　the　blindness　of　youth；　will　not　hurry　a　man　to　its　mission。　Her　relatives　encouraged　me；　petitors　piqued　me；　she　allured　me：　a　marriage　was　achieved　almost　before　I　knew　where　I　was。　Oh；　I　have　no　respect　for　myself　when　I　think　of　that　act！—an　agony　of　inward　contempt　masters　me。　I　never　loved；　I　never　esteemed；　I　did　not　even　know　her。　I　was　not　sure　of　the　existence　of　one　virtue　in　her　nature：　I　had　marked　neither　modesty；　nor　benevolence；　nor　candour；　nor　refinement　in　her　mind　or　manners—and；　I　married　her：…　gross；　grovelling；　mole…eyed　blockhead　that　I　was！　With　less　sin　I　might　have—But　let　me　remember　to　whom　I　am　speaking。”

“My　bride’s　mother　I　had　never　seen：　I　understood　she　was　dead。　The　honeymoon　over；　I　learned　my　mistake；　she　was　only　mad；　and　shut　up　in　a　lunatic　asylum。　There　was　a　younger　brother；　too—a　plete　dumb　idiot。　The　elder　one；　whom　you　have　seen　（and　whom　I　cannot　hate；　whilst　I　abhor　all　his　kindred；　because　he　has　some　grains　of　affection　in　his　feeble　mind；　shown　in　the　continued　interest　he　takes　in　his　wretched　sister；　and　also　in　a　dog…like　attachment　he　once　bore　me）；　will　probably　be　in　the　same　state　one　day。