第60部分(第3/7 页)

doubted　not；　would　hurry　me　from　Thornfield。　Real　affection；　it　seemed；　he　could　not　have　for　me；　it　had　been　only　fitful　passion：　that　was　balked；　he　would　want　me　no　more。　I　should　fear　even　to　cross　his　path　now：　my　view　must　be　hateful　to　him。　Oh；　how　blind　had　been　my　eyes！　How　weak　my　conduct！

My　eyes　were　covered　and　closed：　eddying　darkness　seemed　to　swim　round　me；　and　reflection　came　in　as　black　and　confused　a　flow。　Self…abandoned；　relaxed；　and　effortless；　I　seemed　to　have　laid　me　down　in　the　dried…up　bed　of　a　great　river；　I　heard　a　flood　loosened　in　remote　mountains；　and　felt　the　torrent　e：　to　rise　I　had　no　will；　to　flee　I　had　no　strength。　I　lay　faint；　longing　to　be　dead。　One　idea　only　still　throbbed　life…like　within　me—a　remembrance　of　God：　it　begot　an　unuttered　prayer：　these　words　went　wandering　up　and　down　in　my　rayless　mind；　as　something　that　should　be　whispered；　but　no　energy　was　found　to　express　them—

“Be　not　far　from　me；　for　trouble　is　near：　there　is　none　to　help。”

It　was　near：　and　as　I　had　lifted　no　petition　to　Heaven　to　avert　it—as　I　had　neither　joined　my　hands；　nor　bent　my　knees；　nor　moved　my　lips—it　came：　in　full　heavy　swing　the　torrent　poured　over　me。　The　whole　consciousness　of　my　life　lorn；　my　love　lost；　my　hope　quenched；　my　faith　death…struck；　swayed　full　and　mighty　above　me　in　one　sullen　mass。　That　bitter　hour　cannot　be　described：　in　truth；　“the　waters　came　into　my　soul；　I　sank　in　deep　mire：　I　felt　no　standing；　I　came　into　deep　waters；　the　floods　overflowed　me。”

Chapter　27

Some　time　in　the　afternoon　I　raised　my　head；　and　looking　round　and　seeing　the　western　sun　gilding　the　sign　of　its　decline　on　the　wall；　I　asked；　“What　am　I　to　do？”

But　the　answer　my　mind　gave—“Leave　Thornfield　at　once”—was　so　prompt；　so