第81部分(第3/7 页)

sisters　and　I　stood　round　him；　bidding　him　good…night；　he　kissed　each　of　them；　as　was　his　custom；　and；　as　；　he　gave　me　his　hand。　Diana；　who　chanced　to　be　in　a　frolicsome　humour　（She　was　not　painfully　controlled　by　his　will；　for　hers；　in　another　way；　was　as　strong）；　exclaimed—

“St。　John！　you　used　to　call　Jane　your　third　sister；　but　you　don’t　treat　her　as　such：　you　should　kiss　her　too。”

She　pushed　me　towards　him。　I　thought　Diana　very　provoking；　and　felt　unfortably　confused；　and　while　I　was　thus　thinking　and　feeling；　St。　John　bent　his　head；　his　Greek　face　was　brought　to　a　level　y　eyes　piercingly—he　kissed　me。　There　are　no　such　things　as　marble　kisses　or　ice　kisses；　or　I　should　say　my　ecclesiastical　cousin’s　salute　belonged　to　one　of　these　classes；　but　there　may　be　experiment　kisses；　and　his　was　an　experiment　kiss。　When　given；　he　viewed　me　to　learn　the　result；　it　was　not　striking：　I　am　sure　I　did　not　blush；　perhaps　I　might　have　turned　a　little　pale；　for　I　felt　as　if　this　kiss　were　a　seal　affixed　to　my　fetters。　He　never　omitted　the　ceremony　afterwards；　and　the　gravity　and　quiescence　with　which　I　underwent　it；　seemed　to　invest　it　for　him　with　a　certain　charm。

As　for　me；　I　daily　wished　more　to　please　him；　but　to　do　so；　I　felt　daily　more　and　more　that　I　must　disown　half　my　nature；　stifle　half　my　faculties；　wrest　my　tastes　from　their　original　bent；　force　myself　to　the　adoption　of　pursuits　for　which　I　had　no　natural　vocation。　He　wanted　to　train　me　to　an　elevation　I　could　never　reach；　it　racked　me　hourly　to　aspire　to　the　standard　he　uplifted。　The　thing　was　as　impossible　as　to　mould　my　irregular　features　to　his　correct　and　classic　pattern；　to　give　to　my　changeable　green　eyes　the　sea…blue　tint　and　solemn　lustre　of　his　own。

Not　his　ascendancy　alone；　howeve