第38部分(第3/7 页)

I　saw　he　was　going　to　marry　her；　for　family；　perhaps　political　reasons；　because　her　rank　and　connections　suited　him；　I　felt　he　had　not　given　her　his　love；　and　that　her　qualifications　were　ill　adapted　to　win　from　him　that　treasure。　This　was　the　point—this　was　where　the　nerve　was　touched　and　teased—this　was　where　the　fever　was　sustained　and　fed：　she　could　not　charm　him。

If　she　had　managed　the　victory　at　once；　and　he　had　yielded　and　sincerely　laid　his　heart　at　her　feet；　I　should　have　covered　my　face；　turned　to　the　wall；　and　（figuratively）　have　died　to　them。　If　Miss　Ingram　had　been　a　good　and　noble　woman；　endowed　with　force；　fervour；　kindness；　sense；　I　should　have　had　one　vital　struggle　with　two　tigers—jealousy　and　despair：　then；　my　heart　torn　out　and　devoured；　I　should　have　admired　her—acknowledged　her　excellence；　and　been　quiet　for　the　rest　of　my　days：　and　the　more　absolute　her　superiority；　the　deeper　would　have　been　my　admiration—the　more　truly　tranquil　my　quiescence。　But　as　matters　really　stood；　to　watch　Miss　Ingram’s　efforts　at　fascinating　Mr。　Rochester；　to　witness　their　repeated　failure—herself　unconscious　that　they　did　fail；　vainly　fancying　that　each　shaft　launched　hit　the　mark；　and　infatuatedly　pluming　herself　on　success；　when　her　pride　and　self…placency　repelled　further　and　further　what　she　wished　to　allure—to　witness　this；　was　to　be　at　once　under　ceaseless　excitation　and　ruthless　restraint。

Because；　when　she　failed；　I　saw　how　she　might　have　succeeded。　Arrows　that　continually　glanced　off　from　Mr。　Rochester’s　breast　and　fell　harmless　at　his　feet；　might；　I　knew；　if　shot　by　a　surer　hand；　have　quivered　keen　in　his　proud　heart—have　called　love　into　his　stern　eye；　and　softness　into　his　sardonic　face；　or；　better　still；　without　ight　have　been　won。