第30部分(第3/7 页)

d　to　see；　his　presence　in　a　room　was　more　cheering　than　the　brightest　fire。　Yet　I　had　not　forgotten　his　faults；　indeed；　I　could　not；　for　he　brought　them　frequently　before　me。　He　was　proud；　sardonic；　harsh　to　inferiority　of　every　description：　in　my　secret　soul　I　knew　that　his　great　kindness　to　me　was　balanced　by　unjust　severity　to　many　others。　He　was　moody；　too；　unaccountably　so；　I　more　than　once；　when　sent　for　to　read　to　him；　found　him　sitting　in　his　library　alone；　with　his　head　bent　on　his　folded　arms；　and；　when　he　looked　up；　a　morose；　almost　a　malignant；　scowl　blackened　his　features。　But　I　believed　that　his　moodiness；　his　harshness；　and　his　former　faults　of　morality　（I　say　former；　for　now　he　seemed　corrected　of　them）　had　their　source　in　some　cruel　cross　of　fate。　I　believed　he　was　naturally　a　man　of　better　tendencies；　higher　principles；　and　purer　tastes　than　such　as　circumstances　had　developed；　education　instilled；　or　destiny　encouraged。　I　thought　there　were　excellent　materials　in　him；　though　for　the　present　they　hung　together　somewhat　spoiled　and　tangled。　I　cannot　deny　that　I　grieved　for　his　grief；　whatever　that　was；　and　would　have　given　much　to　assuage　it。

Though　I　had　now　extinguished　my　candle　and　was　laid　down　in　bed；　I　could　not　sleep　for　thinking　of　his　look　when　he　paused　in　the　avenue；　and　told　how　his　destiny　had　risen　up　before　him；　and　dared　him　to　be　happy　at　Thornfield。

“Why　not？”　I　asked　myself。　“What　alienates　him　from　the　house？　Will　he　leave　it　again　soon？　Mrs。　Fairfax　said　he　seldom　stayed　here　longer　than　a　fortnight　at　a　time；　and　he　has　now　been　resident　eight　weeks。　If　he　does　go；　the　change　will　be　doleful。　Suppose　he　should　be　absent　spring；　summer；　and　autumn：　how　joyless　sunshine　and　fine　days　will　seem！”

I　hardly　know　wh