第91部分(第1/7 页)

man　judges；　but　far　more　wisely。　I　did　wrong：　I　would　have　sullied　my　innocent　flower—breathed　guilt　on　its　purity：　the　Omnipotent　snatched　it　from　me。　I；　in　my　stiff…necked　rebellion；　almost　cursed　the　dispensation：　instead　of　bending　to　the　decree；　I　defied　it。　Divine　justice　pursued　its　course；　disasters　came　thick　on　me：　I　was　forced　to　pass　through　the　valley　of　the　shadow　of　death。　His　chastisements　are　mighty；　and　one　smote　me　which　has　humbled　me　for　ever。　You　know　I　was　proud　of　my　strength：　but　what　is　it　now；　when　I　must　give　it　over　to　foreign　guidance；　as　a　child　does　its　weakness？　Of　late；　Jane—only—only　of　late—I　began　to　see　and　acknowledge　the　hand　of　God　in　my　doom。　I　began　to　experience　remorse；　repentance；　the　wish　for　reconcilement　to　my　Maker。　I　began　sometimes　to　pray：　very　brief　prayers　they　were；　but　very　sincere。

“Some　days　since：　nay；　I　can　number　them—four；　it　was　last　Monday　night；　a　singular　mood　came　over　me：　one　in　which　grief　replaced　frenzy—sorrow；　sullenness。　I　had　long　had　the　impression　that　since　I　could　nowhere　find　you；　you　must　be　dead。　Late　that　night—　perhaps　it　might　be　between　eleven　and　twelve　o’clock—ere　I　retired　to　my　dreary　rest；　I　supplicated　God；　that；　if　it　seemed　good　to　Him；　I　might　soon　be　taken　from　this　life；　and　admitted　to　that　world　to　e；　where　there　was　still　hope　of　rejoining　Jane。

“I　was　in　my　own　room；　and　sitting　by　the　window；　which　was　open：　it　soothed　me　to　feel　the　balmy　night…air；　though　I　could　see　no　stars　and　only　by　a　vague；　luminous　haze；　knew　the　presence　of　a　moon。　I　longed　for　thee；　Ja！　Oh；　I　longed　for　thee　both　with　soul　and　flesh！　I　asked　of　God；　at　once　in　anguish　and　humility；　if　I　had　not　been　long　enough　desolate；　afflicted；　tormented；　and　might　not　soon　taste　bliss　a