第3部分(第3/7 页)

l；”　too；　sometimes　reviled　her　for　her　dark　skin；　similar　to　his　own；　bluntly　disregarded　her　wishes；　not　unfrequently　tore　and　spoiled　her　silk　attire；　and　he　was　still　“her　own　darling。”　I　dared　mit　no　fault：　I　strove　to　fulfil　every　duty；　and　I　was　termed　naughty　and　tiresome；　sullen　and　sneaking；　from　morning　to　noon；　and　from　noon　to　night。

My　head　still　ached　and　bled　with　the　blow　and　fall　I　had　received：　no　one　had　reproved　John　for　wantonly　striking　me；　and　because　I　had　turned　against　him　to　avert　farther　irrational　violence；　I　was　loaded　with　general　opprobrium。

“Unjust！—unjust！”　said　my　reason；　forced　by　the　agonising　stimulus　into　precocious　though　transitory　power：　and　Resolve；　equally　wrought　up；　instigated　some　strange　expedient　to　achieve　escape　from　insupportable　oppression—as　running　away；　or；　if　that　could　not　be　effected；　never　eating　or　drinking　more；　and　letting　myself　die。

What　a　consternation　of　soul　was　mine　that　dreary　afternoon！　How　all　my　brain　was　in　tumult；　and　all　my　heart　in　insurrection！　Yet　in　what　darkness；　what　dense　ignorance；　was　the　mental　battle　fought！　I　could　not　answer　the　ceaseless　inward　question—why　I　thus　suffered；　now；　at　the　distance　of—I　will　not　say　how　many　years；　I　see　it　clearly。

I　was　a　discord　in　Gateshead　Hall：　I　was　like　nobody　there；　I　had　nothing　in　harmony　with　Mrs。　Reed　or　her　children；　or　her　chosen　vassalage。　If　they　did　not　love　me；　in　fact；　as　little　did　I　love　them。　They　were　not　bound　to　regard　with　affection　a　thing　that　could　not　sympathise　with　one　amongst　them；　a　heterogeneous　thing；　opposed　to　them　in　temperament；　in　capacity；　in　propensities；　a　useless　thing；　incapable　of　serving　their　interest；　or　adding　to　their　pleasure；　a　noxious　thing；　cherishing　the　germs　of　indi