第83部分(第3/7 页)

etly　to　his　masterhood；　smile　undisturbed　at　his　ineradicable　ambition；　discriminate　the　Christian　from　the　man：　profoundly　esteem　the　one；　and　freely　forgive　the　other。　I　should　suffer　often；　no　doubt；　attached　to　him　only　in　this　capacity：　my　body　would　be　under　rather　a　stringent　yoke；　but　my　heart　and　mind　would　be　free。　I　should　still　have　my　unblighted　self　to　turn　to：　my　natural　unenslaved　feelings　with　which　to　municate　in　moments　of　loneliness。　There　would　be　recesses　in　my　mind　which　would　be　only　mine；　to　which　he　never　came；　and　sentiments　growing　there　fresh　and　sheltered　which　his　austerity　could　never　blight；　nor　his　measured　warrior…march　trample　down：　but　as　his　wife—at　his　side　always；　and　always　restrained；　and　always　checked—forced　to　keep　the　fire　of　my　nature　continually　low；　to　pel　it　to　burn　inwardly　and　never　utter　a　cry；　though　the　imprisoned　flame　consumed　vital　after　vital—this　would　be　unendurable。

“St。　John！”　I　exclaimed；　when　I　had　got　so　far　in　my　meditation。

“Well？”　he　answered　icily。

“I　repeat　I　freely　consent　to　go　with　you　as　your　fellow…missionary；　but　not　as　your　wife；　I　cannot　marry　you　and　bee　part　of　you。”

“A　part　of　me　you　must　bee；”　he　answered　steadily；　“otherwise　the　whole　bargain　is　void。　How　can　I；　a　man　not　yet　thirty；　take　out　with　me　to　India　a　girl　of　nieen；　unless　she　be　married　to　me？　How　can　we　be　for　ever　together—sometimes　in　solitudes；　sometimes　amidst　savage　tribes—and　unwed？”

“Very　well；”　I　said　shortly；　“under　the　circumstances；　quite　as　well　as　if　I　were　either　your　real　sister；　or　a　man　and　a　clergyman　like　yourself。”

“It　is　known　that　you　are　not　my　sister；　I　cannot　introduce　you　as　such：　to　attempt　it　would　be　to　fasten　injurious　suspicions　on　us　both。　And　for　the　r