第61部分(第5/7 页)

d　in　his　canoe。　I　took　hold　of　his　clenched　hand；　loosened　the　contorted　fingers；　and　said　to　him；　soothingly—

“Sit　down；　I’ll　talk　to　you　as　long　as　you　like；　and　hear　all　you　have　to　say；　whether　reasonable　or　unreasonable。”

He　sat　down：　but　he　did　not　get　leave　to　speak　directly。　I　had　been　struggling　with　tears　for　some　time：　I　had　taken　great　pains　to　repress　them；　because　I　knew　he　would　not　like　to　see　me　weep。　Now；　however；　I　considered　it　well　to　let　them　flow　as　freely　and　as　long　as　they　liked。　If　the　flood　annoyed　him；　so　much　the　better。　So　I　gave　way　and　cried　heartily。

Soon　I　heard　him　earnestly　entreating　me　to　be　posed。　I　said　I　could　not　while　he　was　in　such　a　passion。

“But　I　am　not　angry；　Jane：　I　only　love　you　too　well；　and　you　had　steeled　your　little　pale　face　with　such　a　resolute；　frozen　look；　I　could　not　endure　it。　Hush；　now；　and　wipe　your　eyes。”

His　softened　voice　announced　that　he　was　subdued；　so　I；　in　my　turn；　became　calm。　Now　he　made　an　effort　to　rest　his　head　on　my　shoulder；　but　I　would　not　permit　it。　Then　he　would　draw　me　to　him：　no。

“Jane！　Jane！”　he　said；　in　such　an　accent　of　bitter　sadness　it　thrilled　along　every　nerve　I　had；　“you　don’t　love　me；　then？　It　was　only　my　station；　and　the　rank　of　my　wife；　that　you　valued？　Now　that　you　think　me　disqualified　to　bee　your　husband；　you　recoil　from　my　touch　as　if　I　were　some　toad　or　ape。”

These　words　cut　me：　yet　what　could　I　do　or　I　say？　I　ought　probably　to　have　done　or　said　nothing；　but　I　was　so　tortured　by　a　sense　of　remorse　at　thus　hurting　his　feelings；　I　could　not　control　the　wish　to　drop　balm　where　I　had　wounded。

“I　do　love　you；”　I　said；　“more　than　ever：　but　I　must　not　show　or　indulge　the　feeling：　and　this　is　the　last　time　I　must　express　it。”