第85部分(第5/7 页)

how　far　more　potent　is　it　than　force！　I　could　resist　St。　John’s　wrath：　I　grew　pliant　as　a　reed　under　his　kindness。　Yet　I　knew　all　the　time；　if　I　yielded　now；　I　should　not　the　less　be　made　to　repent；　some　day；　of　my　former　rebellion。　His　nature　was　not　changed　by　one　hour　of　solemn　prayer：　it　was　only　elevated。

“I　could　decide　if　I　were　but　certain；”　I　answered：　“were　I　but　convinced　that　it　is　God’s　will　I　should　marry　you；　I　could　vow　to　marry　you　here　and　now—e　afterwards　what　would！”

“My　I　prayers　are　heard！”　ejaculated　St。　John。　He　pressed　his　hand　firmer　on　my　head；　as　if　he　claimed　me：　he　surrounded　me　with　his　arm；　almost　as　if　he　loved　me　（I　say　almost—I　knew　the　difference—　for　I　had　felt　what　it　was　to　be　loved；　but；　like　him；　I　had　now　put　love　out　of　the　question；　and　thought　only　of　duty）。　I　contended　with　my　inward　dimness　of　vision；　before　which　clouds　yet　rolled。　I　sincerely；　deeply；　fervently　longed　to　do　what　was　right；　and　only　that。　“Show　me；　show　me　the　path！”　I　entreated　of　Heaven。　I　was　excited　more　than　I　had　ever　been；　and　whether　what　followed　was　the　effect　of　excitement　the　reader　shall　judge。

All　the　house　was　still；　for　I　believe　all；　except　St。　John　and　myself；　were　now　retired　to　rest。　The　one　candle　was　dying　out：　the　room　was　full　of　moonlight。　My　heart　beat　fast　and　thick：　I　heard　its　throb。　Suddenly　it　stood　still　to　an　inexpressible　feeling　that　thrilled　it　through；　and　passed　at　once　to　my　head　and　extremities。　The　feeling　was　not　like　an　electric　shock；　but　it　was　quite　as　sharp；　as　strange；　as　startling：　it　acted　on　my　senses　as　if　their　utmost　activity　hitherto　had　been　but　torpor；　from　which　they　were　now　summoned　and　forced　to　wake。　They　rose　expectant：　eye　and　ear　waited　y　bones。

“What　have　you　hear