第60部分(第4/7 页)

　dread；　that　I　stopped　my　ears。　I　said　I　could　not　bear　such　words　now。　“That　I　am　not　Edward　Rochester’s　bride　is　the　least　part　of　my　woe；”　I　alleged：　“that　I　have　wakened　out　of　most　glorious　dreams；　and　found　them　all　void　and　vain；　is　a　horror　I　could　bear　and　master；　but　that　I　must　leave　him　decidedly；　instantly；　entirely；　is　intolerable。　I　cannot　do　it。”

But；　then；　a　voice　within　me　averred　that　I　could　do　it　and　foretold　that　I　should　do　it。　I　wrestled　with　my　own　resolution：　I　wanted　to　be　weak　that　I　might　avoid　the　awful　passage　of　further　suffering　I　saw　laid　out　for　me；　and　Conscience；　turned　tyrant；　held　Passion　by　the　throat；　told　her　tauntingly；　she　had　yet　but　dipped　her　dainty　foot　in　the　slough；　and　swore　that　with　that　arm　of　iron　he　would　thrust　her　down　to　unsounded　depths　of　agony。

“Let　me　be　torn　away；”　then　I　cried。　“Let　another　help　me！”

“No；　you　shall　tear　yourself　away；　none　shall　help　you：　you　shall　yourself　pluck　out　your　right　eye；　yourself　cut　off　your　right　hand：　your　heart　shall　be　the　victim；　and　you　the　priest　to　transfix　it。”

I　rose　up　suddenly；　terror…struck　at　the　solitude　which　so　ruthless　a　judge　haunted；—at　the　silence　which　so　awful　a　voice　filled。　My　head　swam　as　I　stood　erect。　I　perceived　that　I　was　sickening　from　excitement　and　inanition；　neither　meat　nor　drink　had　passed　my　lips　that　day；　for　I　had　taken　no　breakfast。　And；　with　a　strange　pang；　I　now　reflected　that；　long　as　I　had　been　shut　up　here；　no　message　had　been　sent　to　ask　how　I　was；　or　to　invite　me　to　e　down：　not　even　little　Adèle　had　tapped　at　the　door；　not　even　Mrs。　Fairfax　had　sought　me。　“Friends　always　forget　those　whom　fortune　forsakes；”　I　murmured；　as　I　undrew　the　bolt　and　passed　out。　I　stumbled　over　an　obstacle：　my　head　was　still　d