第65部分(第5/7 页)

ms　of　love。　What　was　I？　In　the　midst　of　my　pain　of　heart　and　frantic　effort　of　principle；　I　abhorred　myself。　I　had　no　solace　from　self…　approbation：　none　even　from　self…respect。　I　had　injured—wounded—　left　my　master。　I　was　hateful　in　my　own　eyes。　Still　I　could　not　turn；　nor　retrace　one　step。　God　must　have　led　me　on。　As　to　my　own　will　or　conscience；　impassioned　grief　had　trampled　one　and　stifled　the　other。　I　was　weeping　wildly　as　I　walked　along　my　solitary　way：　fast；　fast　I　went　like　one　delirious。　A　weakness；　beginning　inwardly；　extending　to　the　limbs；　seized　me；　and　I　fell：　I　lay　on　the　ground　some　minutes；　pressing　my　face　to　the　wet　turf。　I　had　some　fear—or　hope—that　here　I　should　die：　but　I　was　soon　up；　crawling　forwards　on　my　hands　and　knees；　and　then　again　raised　to　my　feet—as　eager　and　as　determined　as　ever　to　reach　the　road。

When　I　got　there；　I　was　forced　to　sit　to　rest　me　under　the　hedge；　and　while　I　sat；　I　heard　wheels；　and　saw　a　coach　e　on。　I　stood　up　and　lifted　my　hand；　it　stopped。　I　asked　where　it　was　going：　the　driver　named　a　place　a　long　way　off；　and　where　I　was　sure　Mr。　Rochester　had　no　connections。　I　asked　for　what　sum　he　would　take　me　there；　he　said　thirty　shillings；　I　answered　I　had　but　twenty；　well；　he　would　try　to　make　it　do。　He　further　gave　me　leave　to　get　into　the　inside；　as　the　vehicle　was　empty：　I　entered；　was　shut　in；　and　it　rolled　on　its　way。

Gentle　reader；　may　you　never　feel　what　I　then　felt！　May　your　eyes　never　shed　such　stormy；　scalding；　heart…wrung　tears　as　poured　from　mine。　May　you　never　appeal　to　Heaven　in　prayers　so　hopeless　and　so　agonised　as　in　that　hour　left　my　lips；　for　never　may　you；　like　me；　dread　to　be　the　instrument　of　evil　to　what　you　wholly　love。

Chapter　28

Two　days　are　passed。　It　is　a　summer　evenin