第13部分(第2/6 页)

enderness　and　love。　I　do　not　wake　up；　yet　I　kiss　and　kiss　her　hand。

“Get　up；　then；　my　angel。”

She　passes　her　other　arm　round　my　neck；　and　her　fingers　tickle　me　as　they　move　across　it。　The　room　is　quiet　and　in　half…darkness；　but　the　tickling　has　touched　my　nerves　and　I　begin　to　awake。　Mamma　is　sitting　near　me—that　I　can　tell—and　touching　me；　I　can　hear　her　voice　and　feel　her　presence。　This　at　last　rouses　me　to　spring　up；　to　throw　my　arms　around　her　neck；　to　hide　my　head　in　her　bosom；　and　to　say　with　a　sigh：

童 年（3）

“Ah；　dear；　darling　Mamma；　how　much　I　love　you！”

She　smiles　her　sad；　enchanting3　smile；　takes　my　head　between　her　two　hands；　kisses　me　on　the　forehead；　and　lifts　me　on　to　her　lap。

“Do　you　love　me　so　much；　then？”　she　says。　Then；　after　a　few　moments’　silence；　she　continues：　“And　you　must　love　me　always；　and　never　forget　me。　If　your　Mamma　should　no　longer　be　here；　will　you　promise　never　to　forget　her—never；　Nicolinka？”　and　she　kisses　me　more　fondly　than　ever。

“Oh；　but　you　must　not　speak　so；　darling　Mamma；　my　own　darling　Mamma！”　I　exclaim　as　I　clasp　her　knees；　and　tears　of　joy　and　love　fall　from　my　eyes。

How；　after　scenes　like　this！　I　would　go　upstairs；　and　stand　before　the　icons；　and　say　with　a　rapturous　feeling；　“God　bless　Papa　and　Mamma！”　and　repeat　a　prayer　for　my　beloved　mother　which　my　childish　lips　had　learnt　to　lisp—the　love　of　God　and　other　blending　strangely　in　a　single　emotion！

After　saying　my　prayers　I　would　wrap　myself　up　in　the　bedclothes。　My　heart　would　feel　light；　peaceful；　and　happy；　and　one　dream　would　follow　another。　Dreams　of　what？　They　were　all　of　them　vague；　but　all　of　them　full　of　pure　love　and　of　a　sort　of　expectation　of　happiness。　Usually；　also；　there　would　be　some　favorite　toy—