第63部分(第5/7 页)

　and　Clara。”

I　felt　the　truth　of　these　words；　and　I　drew　from　them　the　certain　inference；　that　if　I　were　so　far　to　forget　myself　and　all　the　teaching　that　had　ever　been　instilled　into　me；　as—under　any　pretext—with　any　justification—through　any　temptation—to　bee　the　successor　of　these　poor　girls；　he　would　one　day　regard　me　with　the　same　feeling　which　now　in　his　mind　desecrated　their　memory。　I　did　not　give　utterance　to　this　conviction：　it　was　enough　to　feel　it。　I　impressed　it　on　my　heart；　that　it　might　remain　there　to　serve　me　as　aid　in　the　time　of　trial。

“Now；　Jane；　why　don’t　you　say　‘Well；　sir？’　I　have　not　done。　You　are　looking　grave。　You　disapprove　of　me　still；　I　see。　But　let　me　e　to　the　point。 January；　rid　of　all　mistresses—in　a　harsh；　bitter　frame　of　mind；　the　result　of　a　useless；　roving；　lonely　life—　corroded　with　disappointment；　sourly　disposed　against　all　men；　and　especially　against　all　womankind　（for　I　began　to　regard　the　notion　of　an　intellectual；　faithful；　loving　woman　as　a　mere　dream）；　recalled　by　business；　I　came　back　to　England。

“On　a　frosty　winter　afternoon；　I　rode　in　sight　of　Thornfield　Hall。　Abhorred　spot！　I　expected　no　peace—no　pleasure　there。　On　a　stile　in　Hay　Lane　I　saw　a　quiet　little　figure　sitting　by　itself。　I　passed　it　as　negligently　as　I　did　the　pollard　willow　opposite　to　it：　I　had　no　presentiment　of　what　it　would　be　to　me；　no　inward　warning　that　the　arbitress　of　my　life—my　genius　for　good　or　evil—waited　there　in　humble　guise。　I　did　not　know　it；　even　when；　on　the　occasion　of　Mesrour’s　accident；　it　came　up　and　gravely　offered　me　help。　Childish　and　slender　creature！　It　seemed　as　if　a　lin　had　hopped　to　my　foot　and　proposed　to　bear　me　on　its　tiny　wing。　I　was　surly；　but　the　thing　would　not　go：　it　stood　by　me　with　strange　perseveran