第17部分(第6/7 页)

d　at　last；　she　was　a　heavy　Welshwoman；　and　till　now　her　habitual　nasal　strains　had　never　been　regarded　by　me　in　any　other　light　than　as　a　nuisance；　to…night　I　hailed　the　first　deep　notes　with　satisfaction；　I　was　debarrassed　of　interruption；　my　half…　effaced　thought　instantly　revived。

“A　new　servitude！　There　is　something　in　that；”　I　soliloquised　（mentally；　be　it　understood；　I　did　not　talk　aloud）；　“I　know　there　is；　because　it　does　not　sound　too　sweet；　it　is　not　like　such　words　as　Liberty；　Excitement；　Enjoyment：　delightful　sounds　truly；　but　no　more　than　sounds　for　me；　and　so　hollow　and　fleeting　that　it　is　mere　waste　of　time　to　listen　to　them。　But　Servitude！　That　must　be　matter　of　fact。　Any　one　may　serve：　I　have　served　here　eight　years；　now　all　I　want　is　to　serve　elsewhere。　Can　I　not　get　so　much　of　my　own　will？　Is　not　the　thing　feasible？　Yes—yes—the　end　is　not　so　difficult；　if　I　had　only　a　brain　active　enough　to　ferret　out　the　means　of　attaining　it。”

I　sat　up　in　bed　by　way　of　arousing　this　said　brain：　it　was　a　chilly　night；　I　covered　my　shoulders　with　a　shawl；　and　then　I　proceeded　TO　think　again　with　all　my　might。

“What　do　I　want？　A　new　place；　in　a　new　house；　amongst　new　faces；　under　new　circumstances：　I　want　this　because　it　is　of　no　use　wanting　anything　better。　How　do　people　do　to　get　a　new　place？　They　apply　to　friends；　I　suppose：　I　have　no　friends。　There　are　many　others　who　have　no　friends；　who　must　look　about　for　themselves　and　be　their　own　helpers；　and　what　is　their　resource？”

I　could　not　tell：　nothing　answered　me；　I　then　ordered　my　brain　to　find　a　response；　and　quickly。　It　worked　and　worked　faster：　I　felt　the　pulses　throb　in　my　head　and　temples；　but　for　nearly　an　hour　it　worked　in　chaos；　and　no　result　came　of　its　efforts。　Feverish　with　vain